


The Night Was Also Moist

by poD7et



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bi!Dean, Closeted Dean, Excessive Drinking, F/M, Implied Castiel/Dean Winchester, M/M, Netflix and Chill, Regret, brotp ruined forever thanks to alcohol, dean has panties, the implied ungayification of charlie bradbury, x-files
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 15:09:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7849897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poD7et/pseuds/poD7et
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Excessive drinking leads to blackouts, moist nights, and regret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Night Was Also Moist

**Author's Note:**

> Love it? Hate it? Send your hate to my tumblr on anon [@pod7et](https://pod7et.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Or even e-mail me! [pod7et@gmail.com](mailto:pod7et@gmail.com?Subject=The%20Night%20Was%20Also%20Moist) your hate!
> 
> But just remember. Every hit, kudos, or comment is like a free promo for this fic. And if you truly hate it, you wouldn't want to do that.

The night was dark and stormy, rain pounding against the window like wet, dead fingers begging to be let inside, the blackness around him only disturbed by a flash of lightning. He buried his head in his hands, shivering and flinching when the thunder rolled.

“What have I done?” he murmured to himself, over and over again. “What the hell have I done.”

* * *

The day had started innocently enough. Dean was just enjoying some quality ~~eye sex~~ quiet time with Castiel while Sam was out doing whatever it was that Sam did for hours at a time. But nearly as soon as Sam left, Charlie texted Dean to see if there was anything going on. Dean didn’t know this right away because Dean was ~~very focused on staring into Castiel’s deep and soulful eyes~~ spacing out in Castiel’s general direction. But when his phone continued to announce that he had new messages Dean eventually tore his eyes away from Castiel’s and checked his phone.

> What up bitches?   
> You and Sam on a hunt?  
> I’m in your hood and thought I’d drop by.   
> Is Cas around? He’s my favorite weird little angel.   
> That’s strange though.   
> That you call him little that is.   
> He’s actually quite tall.   
> But then again, when all you have to compare him to is yourself and Sam, well, I get it.   
> You’re super tall and Sam is almost definitely at least ⅕ giant. He has to have giant’s blood in him.   
> Wait, are giants real?   
> Have you guys ever fought a giant before?   
> Or with a giant?   
> I mean, I guess I shouldn’t assume that all giants are evil. I need to brush up on my lore.   
> Dude.   
> DUDE!   
> Are you alive?   
> ANSWER ME!   
> You better not be dead or else I’m going to have to Willow you out of heaven/hell.   
> Either that or get Cas to do it again.   
> But Willow was hot.   
> Like she had that awesome nerdy hot going on.   
> Plus she was a witch.   
> And a little gay.   
> Okay, she was hella gay.   
> Like me.   
> And a redhead . . .   
> DEAN WINCHESTER DON’T YOU MAKE ME BREAK DOWN THIS DOOR!

As he read that message, Dean heard a faint banging on the bunker doors.

Oops.

He rushed to open the door for Charlie and let her slap him a few times for being a moron and making her worry.

“So where’s everyone?” she asked.

“Sam is out and Cas is right here .” Dean said gesturing to the war room’s table.

“Where?” Charlie asked looking around the room for any sign of a Constantine-esque angel desperate need of some form of hair grooming utensil. Although recently he’s been getting better. Maybe more of Dean has been rubbing off on him than just his ability to create the most awkward sexual tension the world has ever seen.

Dean shrugged. It was strange. Every time Charlie came by, Cas would mysteriously disappear. Dean suspected it had something to do with the lack of personal space she gave him. Speaking of which. Maybe the next time Cas was standing so close that Dean was positive if he was just a breath closer ~~he’d be rubbing up on his awkward and not at all gay boner~~ they’d be touching, he would remind Cas of how uncomfortable Charlie’s invasion of his personal space made him feel. Yes. This was a good idea.

“I must have the world’s worst timing. Cas is always busy when I’m around.” Charlie said.

Dean nodded. “Well, since it’s just us . . .” he trailed off with his face morphing into a big grin.

“NETFLIX MARATHON!” Dean and Charlie shouted a little too loudly considering that there were only the two of them in the giant space.

Charlie’s smiled. “Do we need to make a supply run?”

“You’re in luck,” Dean said as he walked toward the bunker’s kitchen. “I was able to get out to buy grub without my moose brother and grabbed some real food and as much beer as I could carry. We’re set.”

* * *

Charlie helped Dean carry beer and snacks to Dean’s room.

Dean set up a table for snacks and beverages while Charlie set-up the Netflix.

“What should we watch?” Charlie asked, literally bouncing on the bed.

“ _Dukes of Hazzard_.” Dean said.

“No, what about _Doctor Who_.”

“Again?” Dean whined, “How much of that show can we watch?”

“Dean, this show is older than I am. It’s older than you too! It’s a classic!” Charlie chided.

“Well, speaking of doctors . . . what about _Dr. Sexy_?”

“You have no right to complain about my shows. And I’m personally offended that you would think name that trash in the presence of the beauty that is _Doctor Who_.” Charlie said crossing her arms and turning her head defiantly away from Dean.

“Well, what do you think we should watch? I’m bored and we haven’t had a good case in ages. I’ve been itching to pull out my fake FBI badge.”

“Oh!” Charlie said scrolling through the Netflix suggestions. “What about the X-Files?”

“You know, I’ve never actually seen that show.” Dean said standing up and rummaging through a box of fake IDs.

“No way!”

“Way.”

“But it seems like the sort of show that you’d really dig. But I guess you had enough real monsters as a kid. So I sorta get it.” Charlie said realizing how normal her childhood was compared to Dean’s. And it’s not like she grew up in a house with a white picket fence.

“Yeah.” Dean said sadly before he shook off the sad and forced a smile for Charlie. “Well, at least aliens aren’t real.”

“Actually, I’m not so su--”

“Don’t you start, young lady. I have enough shit on my plate with angels and demons and whatnot. I don’t need aliens on top of it all.”

“Right, so let’s start!”

* * *

“Unholy lords of the underworld, Batman!” Charlie said drunkenly tapping Dean on the shoulder.

“What?!” Dean said spilling a little of his beer on his arm and then sucking it off like the classiest of ladies.

“You missed it. But I swear . . .” Charlie trailed off. “That was . . . I know it couldn’t be. It shouldn’t be. But scout’s honor, WAIT! LOOK!” Charlie said grabbing Dean’s face between both hands and forcing him to stare at the screen.

“Charlie what the hell?” Dean said before he saw it too . . .

“No . . .” Dean said breathlessly before taking another drink.

“It’s him, right?” Charlie said handing a new bottle of beer to Dean so he could open it for her. She never quite figured out the whole screw top thing. It hurt her hand.

“That’s . . . Crowley.” Dean said.

“But it can’t be, right?”

“Dude. It has to just be someone who looks like him. I mean, it doesn’t look exactly like him.”

“We can check it out.” Charlie said opening up her laptop.

“What are you going to do?” Dean said taking a long sip from Charlie’s beer before handing it back to her. “Don’t even think about summoning the bastard here.” Dean said warningly.

“What kind of fool do you think I am?” Charlie said. “I’m going to look it up on IMDB.”

“On what now? IMDB? International Monster and Demon Bestiary? Is that a thing? If so, why are you holding out on us, girl?”

“No. It’s the Internet Movie DataBase, blockhead. You really need to get out more,” Charlie said typing something, “And it says here that his name is Mark Sheppard.”

“So not Crowley.”

“Not Crowley.” Charlie repeated.

“But that can just be like, a stage name or something.” Dean said reaching for another beer only to find that they were out. “Pause it. I’m going to get the whiskey.! I think we’re gonna need it.”

* * *

Two episodes later . . .

* * *

“No fucking way!” Dean exclaimed.

“What? Nothing very excited happened.” Charlie said. “Do I need to cut you off, mister?”

“No. No!” Dean said shoving Charlie playfully, “I just. You didn’t know him. But that guy. He uh, he looks like someone I met. And it can’t be him.”

“Why not?” Charlie asked.

“Well because I met him in the past. He’d be like, old in this. And he actually somehow seems younger here.”

“Maybe he’s like Benjamin Button and is aging in reverse.” Charlie offered.

“Yeah,” Dean said pouring another shot for both himself and Charlie. “Cheers.”

“Cheers!” Charlie said linking her arm around Dean to do the elbow link shot thing. Dean rolled his eyes, but was happy for the liquor.

* * *

“That’s definitely Eliot.” Dean asserted as soon as he saw the actor again.

“Which one?” Charlie asked leaning over Dean’s lap to get a closer look.

“The cute Eastern European, dude.” Dean said picking Charlie up to sit upright.

“Hah. You said he was cute.” Charlie teased, “Dean likes dicks,” she giggled.

“Shut it.”

“Deeeean has a cru-ush!”

“Whatever.”

“Deanie’s weenie likes cute Eastern European dudes.”

“I do not.” Dean asserted.

“Suuure. You also totally don’t have a weird Mulder/Scully vibe going on with a certain trenchcoat loving angel.”

Dean just glared while Charlie exercised all her will-power to not keep going.

* * *

“Dean, that’s enough.” Charlie said although she accepted the glass of whiskey Dean had poured for her and took a sip anyway.

“I’ll stop pouring if you stop drinking.” Dean said winking and then holding out both arms because maybe he did have a little too much to drink and he lost his balance.

“That’s my boy!”

“Now, I know I had too much.” Dean slurred.

“Huh?”

“That guy,” Dean said planting both feet on the floor to stand up, but he reevaluated that decision and remained sitting. “That’s the demon that fucked me in hell.”

“Kinky.” Charlie said tracing her fingers of Dean’s chest and trying hard to pretend like it was a sexy thing and not the most hilarious thing she had ever done in her life.

Dean blinked at Charlie and then chastised himself for deriving any sort of pleasure from it. Charlie was like his sister. “No, I mean, that’s the demon who tortured me in Hell,” Dean said somberly.

“Oh.” Charlie said suddenly serious again and feeling too sober. “Need a drink?” Charlie asked offering her glass to Dean.

“Yeah,” he said picking up the bottle and taking a swig.

Charlie hugged Dean. “I’m sorry, babe.”

* * *

“This is just creepy now.” Dean said petting Charlie’s hair.

“What is?” Charlie asked, “That the author of this story has had us go through nearly two seasons of TV and is not mentioning episode numbers because even if they watched them back to back and and skipped the intros and took like no breaks and started watching really early they couldn’t feasibly have watched this many episodes?”

“What?” Dean asked.

“I said, ‘What is?’ Charlie answered.

“No, after that.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Charlie said raising an eyebrow.

“ . . . right.”

“Maybe you have had too much to drink.” Charlie said pouring them another round.

“Whatever. But their boss. That totally looks like Grandpa Campbell.”

“I should cut you off.” Charlie giggled looking around the room to see if there was a family photo.

“Fine.” Dean harrumphed, “Waterfall until our sanity comes back.”

“Fine.” Charlie agreed.

* * *

The sound of thunder woke Dean. He felt like he had been hit by a truck. I was drinking, right. Dean stood up to get some water and was hit with a wave a dizziness so intense he fell back onto the bed.

“Uunnnnnnggggghhhh.” someone complained.

As soon as Dean was able to open his eyes again he looked and saw a mess of red hair. Charlie must have slept over. They had a lot to drink. It was probably a good idea.

Another crack of thunder and Charlie turned over again. Dean smiled then noticed that she was wearing one of his t-shirts. Swimming in it really. It was definitely too big. Dean leaned over and tucked the covers around her. Charlie smiled and curled happily into the blankets.

Dean got up to go get two glasses of water when he stepped on something. A pair of panties. _Shit_. He should put those away before Charlie found them. He’d never hear the end of it. Especially not after that comment about that guy who wasn’t Eliot last night. Dean bent down to grab them, when he realized these were most certainly not his panties. They were much too small.

There was another clap of thunder.

Dean realized was much too scantily clad himself to have been sharing a bed with his best friend-- the little sister he never had.

He buried his head in his hands, shivering and flinching when the thunder rolled.

“What have I done?” he murmured to himself, over and over again. “What the hell have I done.”

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, this was a [SPN Coldest Hits](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/SPNColdestHits/tags/Supernatural/works).
> 
> Do I even write anything else?
> 
> The only difference is that this was a sober write. Ahahahaha. Although, I did get pretty snarky at a few points.
> 
> Here are a few comments that are not left here as actual ao3 comments:  
> @rabidbinbadger: Yes. Degay Charlie. That'll either get you no hits. Or outright hate
> 
> @reaperlove77: ooh, kinky, that's practically incest. Do you fear the But she's canonical a lesbian backlash?  
> @pod7et: sorta, but i'm ready for it. I CAN TAKE IT  
> @reaperlove77: YOU CAN TAKE IT and if someone is rude, BRING 'EM TO ME!
> 
> And that's right, folks. [@reaperlove77](reaperlove77.tumblr.com) will deal with all you rude folk out there. Don't be rude here on ao3. Be rude in private via anon messaging or e-mail. I'll be sure to actually interact with you. I'll indulge the trolls and get into a proper argument with you! But comment here and I will not respond. Not at all.
> 
> P.S. - I do not ship this at all. But I thought it would be amusing to write.


End file.
